January 28, 2004

Help is close at boob."We

Help is close at boob."We could be on to something
with this." How often has that phrase heralded a glorious new dawn in
humankind's timeless and ongoing ascent from the mire of ignorance in
which our ancestors presumably wallowed? How many times in the history
of civilization has this simple sentence betrayed the quiet lightbulb
of inspiration over the head of someone about to change the course of
Such were the words uttered in an act of unparalleled - and alarmingly
unmacho - selflessness by an anonymous benefactor upon hatching a
scheme to get his sweetheart to plaster her knockers all over the
Internet in the name of medical research.
Tits out for Multiple Sclerosis
is the result, the latest remarkable (I was going to say "beautiful",
but take a look at the site...) example of the way the Web unleashes
the innovative power of the common man, to the benefit of us all.
A simple idea, yet who'da thunk? You see, Vic, the lady of the website,
has multiple sclerosis. She also has tits. Two, all in all. Put 'em
together, and what have you got? Well, yes, a cleavage, but what I had
in mind was more the juxtaposition of Vic's unhappy affliction with her
undeniable lady bumps... The correct answer is: An unprecedented
approach to raising money for a good cause. The unlikely combination of
chubbies and MS brilliantly targets the sweaty-palmed cash (I'll leave
it at "sweaty-palmed", though the imagination wanders...) of tit-oglers
the world over and aims it at the coffers of The Multiple Sclerosis Resource Centre
(slogan: "Please visit VixPix and support Vic and MSRC - this is an
outstanding effort on her part!").
With a cheap digital camera and a few lines of HTML, Vic has broken
into a huge and hitherto untapped market, until recently controlled
almost exclusively by the purveyors of even sleazier websites. What a
coup! A magical idea just waiting for the Web to let it happen. Sir Tim
Berners-Lee, eat your heart out!
Seems the idea got started with a bet in a pub. Vic looks like a woman
who spends a lot of time in pubs. Two guys bet ten pounds (about $15)
that she wouldn't get her tits out. And this is where Vic had her
stroke of genius: she would indeed get her tits out for ten quid, if
she could then donate the money to to MS research. No offense, but Vic
also looks like the sort of woman who would get her tits out for ten
quid. And from there the idea snowballed. I think it will continue to
snowball - the notion could well take the Web by storm, growing
exponentially, as such innovations are wont to do. First, the number of
tits available for guiltless eyeing ("I'm not looking at pr0n, I'm
helping to end suffering!") on Vic's site will grow and diversify; then
more, copycat sites will pop up (out?); leaner and meaner competition
will oust the pioneering original (at which point Vic can retire and
put her top back on - that's just wishful thinking, not a prediction);
and finally the supported causes and the nature and presentation of
the, erm, exhibits will also diversify (multimedia, etc.). Forget spam:
by 2008, 95% of Internet traffic will be charity pr0n pageviews and
associated PayPal transactions (with a modest further 1% on anonymous
online purchases of "spillproof" keyboard and mouse covers ;-) ).
So what's on the horizon? Pricks stand up for Parkinson's? (Yeah,
girls! We wanna see Vic's mysterious boyfriend's meat-and-two-veg!)
Labia for leprosy? Arses out for asthma? Buttocks bared for bronchitis?
Big Bouncy Balls for irritable bowel syndrome?
I've got an idea of my own: Cum shots at World Hunger. I can't think of
a nobler calling than to feed the world on the product of my
e-ejaculations. On my site, though, punters will have to cough up
*before* they see the spunk up :-)

Posted by dettifoss at January 28, 2004 07:54 PM